I saw an old shack in the wood and it’s scared me, so today I will go inside…The first thing that I see when I opened the door, on the left there is a big couch with pattern in paisley. On this couch there are two big throw pillows. It’s smells like death. Next to the couch there is one end table, on it there is a plate, and lot of worms on it. In the middle there is an entertainment center, the television is making a loud noise but there is no images. Also, there is a fire place. In the fire place there is a family of rats. I am very afraid. On the wall I see a lot of painting, that’s so strange. Therefore, from where I am, I can see the counter in the kitchen. On the counter there are four knifes, there are all dirty with blood. I can hear some strange voice but I real don’t know where is come from. The strange noise comes from the bathroom. I don’t want to open the door. The light on the ceiling doesn’t stop to flash. I really don’t want to know more about this weird place, because it’ scared me...
I like your text. Effectively it looks very scared, but I want to know more about this house. Maybe you can go in the kitchen or in the bathroom!! Please I want to know!
ReplyDeleteHahahaha Maybe next time I am going to be brave.. just for you Gen =D
ReplyDeleteSoooooo scary!!! You did a great job of creating suspense here, Audrey!
ReplyDeleteCHECK: verb tenses. All your verbs should be in the present tense. (Check third form "S")
CHECK: PLATE /WORMS
CHECK: the television IS MAKING A LOUD NOISE...
Take out all the time signal words (Second, third) you dont need them here.
CHECK: ...There ARE four knives